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29 January 2006 @ 06:47 pm
i've CREATED my reality...  
So I have now dropped 2 classes in a row, making me no longer a full-time student. My mom's already called 4 or 5 times (at least) checking in on me, making sure I haven't gone crazy or done myself any harm. I don't know why I keep doing this--showing my weaknesses, fitting proposed molds of myself--it just gives them all the more reason to put me in a box and never let me go. Gee, I really can't wait for block break, when I can go home, be treated like a baby. "Oh, Shawna's just a silly little girl who can't do anything alone." "All she cares about is shopping, eating, and self-indulgences that will give her diabetes and eat away her limbs." "She's never drank, done drugs, had sex, swore, missed church.....until we let her go to college." Nobody here understands how it is to have a path already set before you, a path you have no desire to follow. Maybe I do want to follow it, but I want to take a few scenic detours along the way. It's not like I'm pressed for time or anything.
Oh yes, on a lighter note, Autumn now thinks that I've peed my pants in over 498436294 places on campus and is thouroughly disgusted with me. I just love it when people crinkle their noses and glance at you with that sideways eye...like today in Sodexho when I said in a Darth Vader voice, "I AM YOUR GRANDMA." And proceeded to stuff a hamburger into my mountain dew.
It was while dancing in the rain last night that I decided that time really does pause for me. I think it was the way the rain slid on my skin and how cool the bricks felt on my feet...but suddenly my life was asleep. Definitely wonderful. I'm glad it doesn't rain every day here, or else it wouldn't be so special. I'd grow immune to raindance happiness or something.

I've never had a boyfriend of my same race.
I've never eaten cereal for breakfast.
I've never been to Minnesota.
I've never been camping.
I've never done my own laundry.
I've never seen Star Wars.
I've never taken a high school physics class.
I've never changed a diaper.
I've never been in love.
I've never owned a boy-band CD.
I've never seen the movie "Gone in 60 Seconds"
I've never cried at a movie.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Seal :: Love's Divine