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02 February 2006 @ 01:35 am
third time's really a charm  
What is it about me that makes me so untrusting? It's not like I'm the only person in the world that's been hurt, yet in the darkest points of my misery, I truely believe that I have the deepest scars. And everyone knows what happens when you reopen wounds--they swell--I can't stop thinking about the throbbing--I'm so mad at whoever ripped my skin open and let the feeling out--I tried so hard to close the holes and keep those things supressed--And look at me now--Not healthy--Definitely not strong--I'll never forget it ever, ever again.
And this will be the third time that I've been stepped on, and stupidly get up again, ready to be knocked down for a final time. And I've been trying to think of excuses for why I'm still here and why he's keeping me, but the only reasons I can come up with don't satisfy.
I haven't been taking my pills and they're causing me to see things and it's crazy. I went to the park last night and was terrified the whole time because I kept seeing people that my friends didn't see. Nessa said that it was because everyone has different levels of sensitivity; apparently I'm overly sensitive. I need pills to make me stop analyzing.
I HATE MY MEDICINE
I HATE WITHDRAWL
I COULD HONESTLY CRY RIGHT NOW...
I CAN'T TYPE ANYMORE/I CAN'T WRITE/I CAN'T BELIEVE IN YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING AT ALL.
 
 
Current Mood: cynicalcynical
Current Music: Ashlee Simpson :: I Am Me